Does anyone have a regularly scheduled 'date night' with their spouse, or regular 'alone time' for themselves? Just wondering what other folks do.

GG

It isn't regular, but it does happen.

We get out on business calls together quite a bit - one of the perks of working with my spouse in our own business.

Our bedroom has also always been "our space", so we get alone time when we need it. Our kids are old enough now that we can take time when we need it, get out of the house with each other, or whatever.

Laura
Mom to Eight

brooklynbunch wrote:
Does anyone have a regularly scheduled 'date night' with their spouse, or regular 'alone time' for themselves? Just wondering what other folks do.

GG

My husband and I have a regular at home 'date night' where we send our son (or children, if the girls are visiting) to bed early and we have a nice, quiet evening together. We'll use that time to reconnect by talking or cuddling or reading to each other. We have a standing rule of no television in the master bedroom. It detracts from the romance that we are able to get and distracts us from what is important, which is our relationship (the foundation for our family).

On his days off, we will wake up a little earlier and spend an extra hour or two in bed. (We only get up to brush our teeth, etc. and quickly sneak back to bed.) Usually this time is spent whispering and giggling because we're "hiding" from the kids. We get silly and it just sets the mood for our day.

Then we get up and spend time with our family either running errands and then playing or having a "Reilly Holiday" when we forgo all chores, errands and responsibilities (not including pet care) and do something that we haven't had time to do throughout the week such as go for a long family walk, visit a museum, have a picnic, or do some other fun adventurous thing together. Those days are our 'family dates' and we all get to reconnect as people and as a family unit.

As far as personal time for myself, right now, it's fairly regular. My husband helps me by taking over one night a week, making dinner, spending time with our son (and daughters if they're visiting) and cleaning up for the night. I use that time to take a long bath, do my nails and give myself a facial. If I have time left over, I will usually spend it reading or journaling or playing around with ideas for interior design for our new home.

It might only be a couple of hours, but it makes such a difference in how I see my responsibilities as a stay at home mother. Sometimes I'm so busy working around the house and taking care of everyone else, I lose track of who I am as a person. That little bit of time that I use to refresh and renew really makes all the difference and helps me to refill my giving well so that I can go back to my chores and family care without feeling resentful or like a piece of furniture or a maid. I highly recommend finding some time for yourself. Whether it is as little as 15 minutes twice a day or as much as a full day, take the time just for you.

I never felt the need for time exclusively to myself. I have the knack of getting that time right in the middle of the family. I used to read, paint, crochet, and do a lot of other things that I did just because I enjoyed them. Once in a while I'll take a hot bath in the evening to relax.

Now, since we operate our business from our home, it just all gets mixed up. My hobbies are all my business - I read manuals instead of novels, I do computer graphic design instead of painting, and I write instructional manuals instead of writing for fun. I get "my time" and fulfillment from those things just as I did from the stuff I used to do.

It works.

Laura
Mom to Eight

I think it's wonderful that you're able to incorporate those hobbies in with your daily schedule. I wish I were able to do that. With my disability, a chronic pain disorder with stress as a main trigger, taking a long bath is more a health necessity than a luxury. If I don't take time to unwind and meditate, which I find difficult in a group environment, I can actually become more of a burden on my family because I can become bed-ridden for days to weeks. It just goes to show you how everyone is so wonderfully unique in their own way. Thank you for sharing, Laura, and I will take to heart what you said and see if I can't help my kids to incorporate some of their most loved hobbies into family activities.

We used to do a date night on a regular basis, but as the kids got older, and got active in team sports, we now have to pick a night where there is no basketball or baseball game. We like to go to a movie, or even just out for ice cream. My husband likes dancing; I am a wretched dancer, but go along and try not to look too clumsy.

My favorite alone time is after everyone has gone off to school, and I have a day off of work. The time between 9:30-11:00 I like to take a walk or go to a yoga class. Sometimes I go to a coffee shop and take a notebook and just write, and try not to spend my time making lists of things to do.

GG

The only time my husband and I really dance is to embarrass the kids in the middle of the livingroom. We threaten a lot to dance through the aisles of Wal-Mart. Works great to keep the kids behaving!

Laura
Mom to Eight

ROFL - Laura, you're too much! My husband and I do silly dances in Wal-Mart all the time. We crack each other up. We threaten to go to the accessories section and "dress up" before dancing and that usually keeps our son in line. I doubt he wants to see Daddy in some costume jewelry fit for a grandmother.

GG ~ I think that's a wonderful idea too. I sat here and tried to remember the last time I sat down to write and didn't end up with a long To Do or Honey Do list. It's amazing how things like that can just creep in even when you're trying to relax.

Stacy

I actually have a wonderful situation for this, but it has only come after many years. My kids are now 30, 28, 26, 14, 12, 10, 9, and 5. The oldest three I didn't have to give birth to, my husband came equipped with them ,but I've been raising them for 20 years, so they count. Anyway, we always stressed to the kids that they were all brothers and sisters, no talking about half-siblings except when you really need to explain that mom really didn't give birth to the oldes when she was 13. Anyway, this has caused them all to be really close.

Anyway, now that the oldest three are all married and/or on their own they still adore spending time with the younger set. This last year for Christmas my 26yod and her husband of 6 months gave us the most wonderful Christmas present of all. One weekend a month child free! They live about 2 hours away and for the past two months they have come over to our house on a Friday evening and taken over the 5 youngest kids and the van and took them back to their home. They leave their little ecomony car here and on Sunday afternoon we drive their car back to them and retrieve our van and the younger kids. This has been so great to have a FULL Day and part of two other days just to ourselves. After 20+ years of marriage it's like dating again.

I also have about 1 hour to myself each and every weekday morning. I get up with my husband, pack his kunch and see him out the door at 6:30am. I then have about a half hour to take a shower, get dressed and take care of personal prayer time etc. Then I have until 8:00 by myself to get email, make plans and just be alone. The kids gradually start getting up about 7:30, but they get their own breakfast and help the youngest get his, then at 8am we start our day, run through chores and start school at 9am. It's an easy transition to the day and I can't ever imagine having to get all 5 of them up and dressed and out the door to meet the public school bus at the end of the block by 6:40am.

My life just wouldn't be the same without a big family and homeschooling, I live it just the way it is.

Suzanne Oswald
Homeschooling Mother of 8 with 5 at home, Cub Scout Pack 198 CubMaster, Girl Scout Troop 480 Leader, Boy Scout Troop 198 Committee Member, Venturing Crew 198 Advisor, and St. Theresa Catholic Church PSR Administrative Assistant

Hi, I'm a mother of almost 10 children(due in 2 weeks!) with the oldest graduating from high school at the same time. We try to go out to dinner(alone) or to a religious retreat at least once a month, and stay in bed on holidays and Saturdays. The older kids understand that when our door is closed, they don't come in. Since the door doesn't have a lock, sometimes the 1&3 yr olds march in. But usually the older ones watch the younger ones, either when we go out, or when we lounge in bed. I worried about the kids seeing us snuggling in bed so much, but I was relieved (and amused) when our 7 yr old did a project for mother's day, where she ended several pre-written sentences. Some of the sentences were: My mom's favorite thing to do is...spend time with my dad; and--On weekends, my mom...stays in bed with my dad. She doesn't seem harmed by our "public" display of affection. I now agree with experts that it is essential for children to know just how important your relationship with your spouse is. The marriage is the foundation of a healthy family. I always regret the times when we are out straight and fall asleep at night without having time to talk and shmooze, or miss our Saturday mornings because of our busy schedule.