Burnout

It happens. Perhaps more than we want to admit. Often it is the result of exterior influences, such as income instability, car problems, medical problems, or issues with school. But the end result is that we feel tired, and overwhelmed, and it seems to feel like there are never enough hours in the day to meet all the needs and demands that we feel we have to meet.

Sometimes it is more than just a temporary burnout. Sometimes it is clinical or situational depression, and if so, then a different approach may be needed. But for the common burnout, there are some strategies that help:

1. Declutter your life. Those times when you feel it is too much, say no. You are human, it does not hurt for the people around you to know that. How are you going to teach your children to be considerate of the needs and limitations of others if you never acknowledge a time when you should legitimately say no? Look at what is truly important. Do that. Forget the rest.

2. Stop the blame. Whether you feel like blaming someone else for the problems, or whether you are blaming yourself, either way it is an unfair burden to place upon yourself. Focus on solving and coping with what you can instead of worrying about whose fault it is.

3. Ditch the guilt. Ok, parents get guilt from everywhere. No matter what your family size is, there is always more to do than you can possibly do. There are more concepts to teach than you have time to teach, and one or more of your kids are always going to be trying to prove to the world what a lousy parent you are. Do the best you can. It is enough. Guilt has ONE positive purpose. When we do something wrong, it should motivate us to repair as best we can. Do that. But if you review and know that the circumstances really were not caused by harmful intent on your part, let it go, all it is doing is interfering with your ability to handle the situation.

4. Call for help. We know that as parents of large families, if we ask for help too often, people will say, "See, you shouldn't have so many kids if you can't handle it!". But there are times when we need help, and should ask and not feel badly for doing so.

5. Know that it will pass. Things will change. The unbearable trials will either pass, or become bearable. There are phases of difficulty in life, and they always change. Often they take more time than we think we can stand, but it does eventually ease.

6. Hug your kids... A lot. Hug your spouse... A lot.

7. If you are feeling like you are trapped in your home, find things to do with your children to have more fun. Spending fun time with your children will help to encourage good feelings in the relationships.

9. Don't put aside physical needs in the rush to meet your family's demands. You hear the story about Grandma who died from the most painful disease but never uttered a word of complaint. Well, if that were true, no one would have ever known that Grandma was sick! You have a right to say you hurt. You have a right to rest when you are exhausted. You have a right to eat when you are hungry, and to have your older kids help out with things that they can physically do that you cannot if that is an issue. I don't mean sitting around whining all day. But letting your children know that you have needs, and allowing them the privilege of helping you with things that you really should not be doing is not a bad thing. Indeed, it can be something which allows them the ability to learn compassion and stand a little taller. Age appropriate, of course. (I have arthritis in my back, so my older boys lift the heavy items. When I had to be down part of the time with an attack of phlebitis, my older kids helped out more.)

There are no simple answers. There are things that can help you weather the storm though.