Making Changes

Making a change in a family takes a month of consistent effort before you can even tell that it works, but if you concentrate on one change at a time, you will see miracles.

Maybe I better explain...

First of all, any change has to be maintained for a month or it will not be internalized as a new part of life as we know it.

Second, somewhere about the second week, things get really hard. At first when you make a change, it is novel, and everyone cooperates. You see, they figure that you'll give up or forget in a week or two. And usually, they're right!

If you stick it out though, and keep on maintaining the change, then at about three weeks, the change becomes part of “the way things are”, and it gets easier to maintain.

It does not matter whether the change is a new disciplinary tactic, a new chore routine, or even just a change in YOU. Change is unfamiliar, and it makes life unpredictable. People like things to be predictable, and even if the change is one they like, they will subtly, or not-so-subtly, pressure you to change things back to what was familiar.

When a tactic is successful, it still may get watered down in the middle – we start out with a lofty goal, but only maintain a part of it long enough to internalize it, so the end result is less than we hoped for. Still, if progress is made, no matter how small, it is a triumph!

So again, consistency is important. In fact, with three weeks of consistent enforcement of change, you can accomplish anything! So long as you only make ONE change at a time!

That is another key to successful change. If you try to change two things, then your opposition can divide and conquer. It will simply be too difficult to keep focused on more than one thing. One thing a month though, can create literal miracles.

Any time you try to establish a habit, break a habit, change a way of reacting, or even just move the furniture around, it takes time to adjust to the change. And there is a period when adjusting to the change will just seem like it is too hard. If you can persevere through that period, then you'll win out and the change will be effective.

The last key to making changes is that they should be action oriented. When you set a goal and it is abstract, it won't be realized. You have to specify tasks that a change will center on.

“Every day, I will hug my kids.” “When you throw a tantrum, I will send you to your room for 5 minutes.” “Lunch cleanup must be done every day before you go out to play.”

Those are all task oriented goals, and each one can be implemented and maintained for a month, to create a positive change in life.

So, to recap, when you want to make a change in your home:

1. Make the goal specific, and focused on a task or action.

2. Choose ONE thing only.

3. Maintain it consistently for a month, against all opposition.

Over time, this can add up into a powerful tool for helping your family to progress.