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Yours, Mine, and Ours

Many large families now are a results of the joining of two previously separate families into a cohesive unit. It presents unique difficulties, and unique joys. Strategies here to build a blended family instead of just a muddled one!

Consistency, and tolerance take on a new importance when you join two families. You may or may not have previous spouses to cope with, but even if they are not physically present, they may be a force to be reckoned with.

Adjustment is necessary, and it takes time. Being consistent can shorten the time that it takes, but it will not remove it. Commitment and stability may be much more important than love. If you can be consistent and if you are committed to the relationships (all of them!), then love will develop where it needs to.

You'll have many relationships to work on and to aid in developing. Yours with your spouse, and with your own children, your new children, your spouses relationship with both sets of children, and then the children's relationships with each other. The dynamics of blending a family are highly complex. If the parents can work out fair ways to deal with each other and the kids, the kids might not respond quickly, but harmony in the long term is much more likely.

The most important relationship is your relationship with your spouse. If the children can divide you, they will never stop creating control battles. If the marriage is stable, the family is stable. If the marriage crumbles, the entire family suffers.
 
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